I long to go back in time. To go back to a happier, safer place.
But we've been thrown headlong into ....this. Our reality.
So much has happened in these past years that I wouldn't even know where to begin. There is a reason I've been silent all these years.
Some people clap us on the back. Tell us to keep forging forward. Some people don't say anything at all. Some people judge. Others don't care.
All I do is put one foot in front of the other, every day, every moment, and do what I have to do. I have no choice.
My children have seen things they should never have had to. Things I never dreamed they would. We have moved. And moved again. We've been homeless. We've lost so much. Debt. We lived in the very place I grew up. The very place I ached to leave for years. I regressed. All those years of therapy to invested to overcome the upbringing I struggled with. Only to return to it. My family struggled and suffered needlessly.
People have died. Never the right ones. Only the good ones.
Every day when I awake, and I am jerked away from the subconscious (predominantly nightmares) into consciousness, anxiety washes over me. A fresh start to the day... a continuation of the reality from the days before.
And I remain silent. I smile. I work. And I repeat.
