Part of me wants to scream it at the top of my lungs.
Another part of me wants to stuff it deep down inside.
So here I find myself with my compromise: I am writing.
I”ve known I needed to write about this. To get it out. To express my feelings. I kind of went into it a bit with my very close friend. And I did talk at length about it with my husband. But now it’s time to “talk” about it with myself. To write it out. Just for me. To help me get out my feelings.
My mother is in rehab.
There. I said it.
I knew it was coming. It was just a matter of “when?” and “what would happen?” After all, everyone hits bottom in their own way.
Our trip back east last month was very difficult. Our trips back can be difficult to a degree, but the ones in hindsight don’t even qualify being deemed difficult in contrast to this past visit.
How much detail shall I go into here? How many stories should I share? Should I share any at all? That is why I’m here, isn’t it? But how much do I need to tell to get it out of my system? To wrap my mind around it? To get it off my chest? It’s up to me. And I don’t even know.
And I think I will leave things at that for now.
6 comments:
I understand. There are times when I want to scream out every single disgusting, terrible thing she's ever said or done to me. Then there are the times my heart and mind shut down to her- she ceases to exist. She has to, or I can't live. I wish I knew how to let it out in a healthy way. Sigh. I'm still trying to understand how good people like ourselves end up with the mothers we end up with.
If you want to talk, don't be shy to send me an e-mail... I don't know how much I can help, but you can at least get things out - I'd be more than happy to listen. A lot of us have loved ones in need of recovery. Scream if you have to, it feels great some days.
If my father had ever gone to rehab, I would have felt so elated ... for him, for my mother, for me.
I will keep a good thought for your mom Sarah, and I always keep a good thought for you.
*hugs*
How's it going now?
You coming back here, dearest?
I can always count on you to be here, ange, even when I fall through.
yes. a come-back is much overdue. I will put it on my vision board and make time to write again.
xoxo
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