A Mile

Yesterday was March 1st. After a horrible bout of flu last month (that last post, in all its depressive glory, was at the tail end of my sickness which might explain my extremest debbie-downer attitude) and then after February break, which included a 6-hour road trip (times two ways) with myself and my three children to visit family, I have fallen off the “taking care of myself” wagon. And I seem to lack the desire to even try.

So, yesterday was a nice day. After talking to my therapist on Tuesday, I told her that one of the things that has really been bothering me is that ever since we moved into our picture-perfect suburban house last August, I haven’t been walking or running like I used to when we lived in our apartment near the village. We are just too far out, there are no sidewalks, and I miss the village. HORRIBLY. Yes, I felt all caps was completely necessary there.

So yesterday, since I promised my therapist I would at least try, I got out the baby stroller and the dog leash and walked. I said, “Sarah, you are going to walk a mile.” And I did. Pat on the back. Good girl.
There really is no where to walk safely here, aside from our street. That is probably one of the very few good things about our house’s location. It may not have sidewalks, it may not be walking distance from the village, and it may be off a very narrow main road with no sidewalks and very fast drivers – but it IS a cul-de-sac. So I walked in circles.

You can see how that can get very old and be incredibly unfulfilling compared to the lively, varied and charming walks I used to take regularly to the village. But I did it. The question now is, can I keep it up? And will I start to feel better? I think in order to start feeling truly better, I will have to start running again. But for anyone who has stopped, you know how hard it can be to start again. That is where I am right now.

And now it is March 2nd. I thought to myself, perhaps I’ll make a goal to walk a mile every day in March. That’s a nice, positive, healthy goal to set. But after being kept up all night with blustering winds in excess of 60mph and the ground covered in snow this morning (talk about bipolar weather) I don’t know if that goal is just setting myself up to feel bad about not accomplishing something. I need to build myself up, start feeling better, set goals. But I have this horrible feeling that setting goals might be setting myself up for disappointment in myself if I can't see them through.

So that is why the goals should be small and realistic, I realize, but I don’t even know what I can and cannot handle and live up to right now. 1 mile. A day. Is that too much? Can I do it? Will I feel crappy about myself if I don’t? Will I be able to do it and feel better? I just don’t know.