One's state of being, mentality, mood, temperament ... is such a peculiar essence that fluctuates due to countless combinations of so many factors. Situational, hormonal, circumstantial, chemical... and so on.
The best way I can describe the way I feel and my current state of being is "fragile". I feel like I could fall apart or be broken quite easily. Sometimes I feel as though I have a young child sitting on my chest; other times a 500-pound man. I have been doing a lot of creative visualization to try to get that weight to ease up. It feels physical but I know it is largely mental.
Aside from feeling this way, everything in life right now is quite alright. So I'm figuring that component out of the equation of possible factors. Perhaps I just need more sleep. Or more exercise. Or less sugar.
It's funny; it was almost as if I was forewarned of this funky fluctuation on Sunday when I got my weekly astrological forecast. An excerpt from my forecast read:
There are a number of reasons why you don't want to overcommit yourself this week, Sarah. The main one being that you are approaching a phase in which you need to refresh your soul and spirit. On Tuesday you may find that one social event turns out to be disappointing because the company is not quite as scintillating as it might be. This doesn't mean that you should give up on this set of friends. There is just a certain something in the air which is making others a little more distant - it isn't anything personal. Wednesday may also be difficult, as Mars in your communication zone squares Neptune. Mercury and the Sun move into Aquarius from Friday, which means it is time for that rest and to reflect on your heart's desires.
I always take these sort of things with a grain of salt, but I have to give credit to the people who write them. I use it mostly for entertainment. But I am always impressed at the coincidental insights provided, which is why I credit the writers highly.
Either way, I hope this subsides soon and I can get back to a better, and less fragile, state of being.
3 comments:
In my life, the fragility ends up being the brief imbalance that occurs when taking a foot up to reach a higher step.
It definitely means growth-in-progress.
You're brave to share, and insightful enough to end up just fine.
But we're always here, too.
(smiling at you)
(kiss to little L.)
Send my kisses to her too!!!
I love when those coincidences happen to our lives in this blogsphere. I have also been through some grief these last days. This is not the whole reason why I haven't posted so often in my spot; our PCs have been moody too, so I won't be publishing any text soon.
What I call "my grief" can be called "feeling like a fragile cub myself". I am so vulnerable that I'm afraid to fall. However, like you said about having a baby sitting on your chest, I have a business to run and classes to lecture, and for all those things I am not allowed to actually FALL.
Yet, it is a difficult task to avoid or pretend not to feel like that. In my case, it's not hormonal or caused by excess of sugar in my blood stream... It's something else. Something that I can't completely open-mindedly accept. The worst is not being able to say if that would be the ultimate motive for my painful phase...
I need to write and consequently let this grief be burst out. I need art and my artistic practices help me go through that. Reading your words, Sarah, also help me hold on during these troubled times. I hope mine can work that way for you as well.
I read your special posts about you two days ago and I copied the idea for my blog. I love your eloquence to tell the stories of your life. I'll soon comment on them more specifically. What's left for me to say is that you'll certainly overcome this feeling-fragile moment sooner than you might think since you can rely on a smile of an angel called Leigha and the arms of a guardian called Steven.
LOvE,
LAILA CHRIS
oh man, what writer mom and Laila said...beautiful.
I know this feeling, waiting for the pieces to fly apart. Walking around carefully so you don't shatter. Finally putting the pieces back together.
Feelings are transitory; it always passes. Thank God/Goddess. That's my mantra.
Laila's ending is marvelous. Insert it here. Heh. Okay? love and gobs of good karma, Lo
Post a Comment