I consider myself extrememly lucky to able to be L's full-time stay at home parent. I couldn't imagine missing out on the countless priceless memories and experiences she has provided me. I couldn't imagine how difficult it would be to drop her off at a daycare in someone else's charge. To let someone else witness her first steps and other such milestones and react ho-hum-ly to it;
To let someone else have the responsibility of staying on top of her diaper status, under which some inevitable negligence or lack of immediacy in changing would increase incidences of rashes.
I feel extremely fortunate to know that I'm the one in charge of providing her with the care she needs and knowing what's going on in her life. How she got that bump on her head. Why she's afraid of frogs. What the new sound she's making means. I am grateful I don't have to rely on someone else and worry about trusting their report of her day.
And I realize that not every parent is afforded this luxury. Then again, not every parent considers it a luxury; some moms I know couldn't wait to get back into their stimulating work environment. Regardless of the choice, everyone who has a choice should consider themselves fortunate, as not everyone has a choice.
Though I can't help but to admit there is some sort of pressure. Be it societal or what, there is a pressure to be more; do more. Parent-, homemaker-, businesswoman-, lovemaker -EXTRAORDINAIRE. Be it all; do it all. If not, you're short of a real woman. I know it's a load of crap but the images and messages in the media are clear.
I had a monthly graphic design gig where I'd design a newsletter for a university back east each month. It paid well and it afforded me the convenience of working from home. To be exact, I technically still have the job, it has just decreased in frequency. I don't know when I'll be contacted for the next issue; it could be months. This really bums me out because it was a little extra income that paid for a utility or two and also gave me the sense of contributing financially. That felt really good.
I also started doing Mary Kay back in February to additionally supplement my contribution. It was a logical choice because once again I was able to work it around my schedule and still be with L. And I loved and used the product... bonus :o) But to be truthful, it is a lot more work than it lets on to be, and hasn't proven as fruitful as I'd hoped. I knew from the get-go I wasn't a sales-type of person, but thought if I could just get a good-sized dependable costumer-base who liked the product and wanted to purchase it through me, I'd be all set. Well, didn't pan out. And if I wish to increase my costumer-base it means putting on my sales-face and getting out there. And like I said before, I'm not the sales-type person. So I'm at a cross-roads of trying to decide what to do as far as that is concerned.
Steven is supportive of me staying at home and taking care of L. But once in a blue moon something will slip from his lips that is conducive of an attitude that seems the contrary. It happened this past weekend, which is why all this is on my mind. And being the pregnant, hormonal, over-sensitive and sad person I've been, it got to me. He was quick to comfort me and assure me he is happy with me raising our little girl and our upcoming little boy, and that the remark that slipped was more of a light-hearted and not-so-serious comment. He was sincere; it's true. I'm just way too serious lately.
So while I don't have to worry about employment for five years, I'm still distressed and fretting where I will fit into this world so far as a job goes.
7 comments:
I never realized how much we have in common, until now. The one difference is that although I was approached (vigorously) to do Mary Kay, I knew that I could never ask friends or family, let alone strangers, to buy skin care products from me, no matter how good they are. It's just not me.
I did freelance illustration & ad design on and off, for years -- just enough to keep my fingers in the pie, so to speak. I wanted to be able to return full time at some point after the kids were in school.
Pffft.
My working, at only two points in my life, meant the difference between food on the table and asking for a hand-out. Both of the times I worked outside the home were very stressful for me and for my kids.
I've been meaning to write a post about the history of gender roles, and why women like you and me, who do the most important job in the world (in my opinion), still sometimes feel dissatisfied, or "less than," or as if we just are not doing enough.
I, personally, wish that stay at home parenthood (for wichever gender parent chooses to stay home) were a right, and not a luxury. I wish Stay at Home Parenting were a priority in our culture and in our government, so that lower income families could afford to have one parent's focus on nurturing the children. I believe children are THAT impportant.
If you were smart enough to become a graphic designer in the first place, it will take you very little time to re-enter the field should you choose to. And, if you choose not to re-enter design, if you choose a whole new career, or if you choose to continue playing the supporting role at home while devoting your "spare time" to volunteering for a favorite cause, nobody can fault you.
They may not understand you, but they can't fault you, because you're doing the most valuable job of all, and you're not collecting a paycheck for it, and that, sister, makes you a saint.
I stay at home, and it doesn't feel like much of a choice, although like you, I'm grateful to be the one to be able to take care of my son, like only I can, and share all the special things with him, that nobody else gets to share. Still, I haven't worked in almost five years, and I feel guilty about it ALL OF THE TIME. I feel like I should be Superwoman. Clean the house and pay the bills, when I can't even get my dishes done, or the laundry folded.
Matthew turned four last Saturday, so I'll soon be faced with reentering the workforce, and I'm scared about it already. After reading Zilla's comment, I'm even more afraid, because I wasn't smart enough to become a grapic designer in the first place.
Sigh.
Oh, well. Just keep having babies Sarah, and then you won't have to worry about it. Or start playing the lottery. :)
I agree with Zilla, stay at home parenting is very important. It makes a difference and I can see it. Not to toot my own horn, but I see a big difference in my daughter and kids who have been raised on the fly by parents who either didn't want to or could not afford to spend time with them. You are going to contribute to the world two fantastic human beings and that is tremendous.
And I agree also that with your art degree and skills you will have no trouble getting back to work when you decide the time is right.
Sarah, just wanted to let you know I was joking with the having babies/lottery playing comment. Sometimes my humor doesn't come across real well in print. Or maybe I'm not funny. Either way, I didn't intend to make it sound like I don't think stay at home parenting is important, because I do. Or that you need to continue having babies instead of finding your niche in the job world.
Sorry if it came across that way.
:)
zilla: I sincerely hope you get around to writing that post about the history of gender roles. as for your work history in freelance illustration & ad design, I had no clue we had so much in common either. now I'm overflowing with curiosities on who, what type of work, how much you charged as a freelancer (I notice with my work not many companies like to outsource if it's going cost them too much) etc, etc, etc. maybe you can write a post about that too, or just write me :o)
holly: why don't you feel like your staying home isn't much of a choice? I empathize with your anxiety and anticipation about re-entering the work force. I hope it's one of those things that is intimidating at first but becomes a positive experience in reflection. is matthew your one and only? oh, and by the way, I didn't read into your comment about having babies or playing the lottery as nothing but an adorable suggestion. it made me chuckle :o) and your humor came across perfectly (you are that funny)
rain: thanks for the assurance. I'm glad you see the importance of staying home with children as well. it is so comforting to know that other people see its importance as well. I'm actually interested if there are any extensive and good-sized blind studies done on the mental health, well-being, and success of daycare children vs. parent-raised children...
thanks all :o) you're the best!
Oh sweetie, what you are doing is the most important thing in the world, loving your child, taking care of your child, and soon, children.
I would have loved to stay home with my children. I cried when I had to leave them, every one of them. It was heart wrenching, and painful. I got to stay home with Rachel until she was three, then I went to work part time. Then I had Mitch and got to stay home until he was two and a half, and Rachel was five then it was back to work part time. I feel very fortunate to have been able to only work part time, but I tell you I would never have went back to work until they were in school if I would have had a choice.
With little Sammy I got to spend his first eight weeks home, and then I went back to teaching. My superintendents wife watched Sammy for me and I got to go to her house at lunch time and breast feed him. It still broke my heart to be away from him, so Mike and I let him sleep with us every night, just to be near him, just to love him as much as possible. When he was five he finally decided he didn't need to sleep with momma anymore, most of the time.
We do the best we can in what ever situation we find ourselves in, and I am thankful that you can stay home with your babies.
God/Goddess bless you hon, Lori
OOPs I think Rachy was two and a half when I went back to work part time, too. Darn it, my brains sort of fuzzy. xx
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